I am prepared to answer the following questions in the affirmative:
Can you bring peace to the Mid East?
Can you turn lead into gold?
Can you develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt?
The last test I took, unfortunately, I failed the time limit.
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have 15 minutes
I am currently considering offers from:
Google; however, they want me to work in GO. I don’t wanna work in GO.
Apple; however, WHO WANTS TO LIVE IN CALIFORNIA?
The Linux Foundations; however, working on the kernel is really boring.
Microsoft and Amazon want me to work in their consumer products divisions; however, I think they made the offers just to piss off Google and Apple.
My rate is a negative $10 an hour. I will pay you, to do your work.
I have been told I have very low self esteem. I will do anything to please my employers.
I am also a little autistic.
The more unrealistic your expectations, the more I want to work for you.
I am an expert and have over 10 years of experience with the following PHP frameworks
Aiki Framework; Apigility; BansheePHP; CakePHP; CodeIgniter; Drupal; Fat-Free; FuelPHP; GetSimple CMS; Hammerkit; Hazaar MVC; Horde (software); ImpressPages; INEK (PHP); Jamroom; Joomla; Kajona; Kohana; Laravel; Lithium (software); Nette Framework; Novius OS; Phalcon; PHP Standard Recommendation; PHPixie; PRADO; ProcessWire; Silex; SilverStripe; Solodev; Symfony; TYPO3; TYPO3 Flow; XOOPS; Yii; Zend Framework
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