Filed under Fun

Voicemail Prompts

What use to be an  your “answering machine” message. A collection: Hey, hello and how do you do? Leave a short message, and I will get back to you. Hey! Its ____. Wanna hear a joke? Knock, knock! Whos there? Not me, so leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as … Continue reading

Resume Update

Resume Update

I am prepared to answer the following questions in the affirmative: Can you bring peace to the Mid East? Can you turn lead into gold? Can you develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt? The last test I took, unfortunately, I failed the time limit. You have been provided with a razor blade, … Continue reading

The secret to a long life

A tough old sheep farmer from Scotland gave some advice to his granddaughter. He told her that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a pinch of Gunpowder onto her porridge every morning. The granddaughter followed this dictum religiously until her death at the venerable age of 103. She left behind 14 children, … Continue reading

Trying to set a password

SITE: Please enter your new password. USER: cabbage SITE: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. USER: boiled cabbage SITE: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character. USER: 1 boiled cabbage SITE: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces. USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages SITE: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case … Continue reading

Divorce Settlement

On the first day, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come to collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room-table by candle-light; he put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound … Continue reading

Email Tag lines

Have you tried turning it off and on – The IT Crowd It is not that I mind your dishonesty so much, it’s that you think I’m stupid – It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown No act of kindness is ever wasted. Micro$oft.  (I’ll shoot myself tomorrow, I promise.) “I read recipes the way I … Continue reading